Gaining your self respect and putting your morals FIRST!

It’s no secret, I am nobody’s virgin. I don’t pretend to be, and I don’t wish to be. Life happens and sex happens it’s just the way things go. Overtime I’ve learned that sex can be an emotionless act or a night of passionate love. However, from 2015 until 2017 I didn’t have relations with anyone. I guess you could say I was on the path of righteousness and celibacy. That was until, I went out to the club and saw my ex looking like a snack! After about a dozen drinks I didn’t want to be the only one in my crew going home alone. So I decided to throw it at him, and of course, he caught it! Now I can’t lie, after 2 years of not being intimate it felt good at the time. I was nice and drunk and getting my back blown out lol! I did however, experience emotionless sex for the first time as an adult. It was weird, all the feelings I had for him were suddenly no longer there. I hit him up a couple days after Our encounter trying to see him again but it never happened. Eventually after a couple days, I let it go, and let him go.

Bryson Tiller says in one of his songs “dope d*ck will turn you to a fiend, girl you better be careful” and I couldn’t agree with this anymore!! Based on my experience with men and sex when the wrong man says all the right things to you, lays down the pipe, then jets out your life, it’s like you instantly turn into a sex crazed animal in heat wanting more and more. But ladies, you HAVE to control your sexual emotions and eventually put your morals 1st.

In Steve Harvey’s book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” he suggests that women should implement a strict 90 day rule when dating a guy. During these 90 days there is to be no sexual contact whatsoever. What this does is allow you and your potential man to get to know each other on an intellectual level and not just sexually. He goes on to say that any man that can’t commit to this 90 day rule will show you his true colors up front, and you have successfully weeded out a man who did not want anything more from you than just sex.

I personally have come to agree with this and have adopted the 90 day rule for myself. I figured, if I could go 2 years without having sex, what’s 90 days? I know that I have never been the promiscuous type to have different men in my bed every night. But I also have never had a sustainable and faithful relationship either. Hooking up with dudes just for the sex was okay in my teenage years. But now, as I am entering my mid 20’s, I just refuse to be that girl anymore. I value commitment and loyalty. I value honesty and trust. And most importantly I value a man who wants to build a strong and happy relationship with me in the hopes to one day start a family and get married. I have goals and a career that I see myself achieving in my lifetime. One thing I cannot do at this point in my life is be distracted or blinded by fake love or should I say the LUST that comes with men.

With that being said, ladies you have to ask yourself. Do You want to continue to sleep around with men just for the fun of it? Or do You want to get to know a man wholeheartedly for who is and allow him to see you for you as well? Do You see yourself getting in a relationship anytime soon? Do You value self respect and maintaining a low “body count”?

I believe that in order for you find the man of your dreams, at some point you have to evaluate YOURSELF! Are you relationship ready? Do you have standards and expectations? Are you carrying extra baggage or holding on to an old relationship? Any of these things can hinder you from finding the right man. However, no matter how good of a woman you are if he cannot respect you enough to wait 90 days for sex; is he really the man you need in your life? THINK ABOUT IT.


Derrae Davis