Accepting failure and how to cope with a loss.
Imagine if you could rewind time. Back to your 8 year old self. What lessons would you teach? What paths would you take? Imagine if life had a rewind button and you could go back to fix all your mistakes. That would just be the greatest thing ever. However, that is simply a fairy tale you’re dreaming of.

In life, there is no rewind button. The time you have spent is already gone. You cannot get back the years, the tears, the joys, the laughs, the moments shared.

It’s funny to hear young kids or teens say they wish to be adults. When in real life all the adults are wishing they were kids again. Life does not get easier once you do become of age. I can tell you from experience, I’ve been out of high school for exactly four years now. One simply could not imagine the amount of pain and hurt I’ve gone through from taking loss after loss after loss. Ask anyone over the age of 21 and they’ll tell you.

Moving out on your own, paying for necessities, buying things on credit, getting bills put in your name, applying to colleges, building your resume, etc. All of these things literally hit you at once. For some people, they are blessed enough to have their parents who support them financially and do not have to stress over monetary responsibilities. As for others, this can either make or break you and only the strong survive, literally.

Once you hit your early 20s you begin to face day-to-day losses, or “L’s” for short. An L can be anything from being kicked out of college for signing your friends into class, to losing your wallet a day before your rent is due. Or they can be as simple as locking your keys in the car or dropping your phone and shattering your screen. Now all of these things seem like no big deal growing up, especially when it falls on our parents to fix the problem. However, once you are independent taking any sort of loss can damage your whole spirit. I’ve seen friends, family, co-workers, you name it, all fall victim to an L.

Now it may be easiest to deal with your loss by isolating yourself from your peers until you have recovered. If this is your selected coping method, then by all means isolate yourself. In contrast, it is not healthy to be alone to dwell in your misery and misfortune. I know depression all too well. I spent an entire year battling depression and anxiety. I damn near needed to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder that’s how bad my depression had gotten. However, there are ways you can effectively deal with your failures with out sacrificing your health.

For one: accept the fact that you have taken an L and MOVE ON. The longer you stay mad or complain, the longer the issue will bother you and interrupt your peace. It’s okay to get upset, but do not spend an entire week complaining about an issue that is behind you. “If it won’t matter in 5 years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes worrying about it”

Two: seek therapy. I know it sounds cliche, but talking to someone about your problems will literally help you move past them. If you don’t have access to a therapist you should definitely confide in someone you trust that won’t judge you or put you down. All you need is a listening ear, not a judgmental commentator. Or if that doesn’t work for you, invest in a journal. Writing down your feelings can be very helpful in calming you down. Even if you don’t have access to your journal, write down what’s bothering you on a piece of paper just to get it off your brain.

Three: find your happy place and go there. For some, their happy place is the beach. For some it’s the park. For you it may be the museum or a walk through the zoo. Whatever it is, when you have been faced with an L, just go to your happy place. Once you have accepted the fact that you just took a loss do something that will take your mind off of it. If that means you need to go shopping or buy yourself a pint of ice cream then do it. But whatever you do, do not take your frustrations out on others that have nothing to do with your L. That is why going to your happy place can aide in coping with a failure.

By considering these three tips to coping with a loss, you will want to think twice about your reaction every time. It is never a good idea to sit and dwell in your misery. Whatever has happened to you will not last forever. But when you lock yourself in your room for 12 hours and ignore everyone you will do more damage than good. It is easy to pick up habits of depression because you will be in denial that you are even suffering from it. Don’t allow the small failures in life to get you to that point because it’s a dark hole that only gets darker.

Surround yourself with positive people and positive energy. We ALL take L’s daily. We ALL are going through something serious. We ALL have a story to tell. So do not converse with people who only want to have pity parties. This will do nothing for your spirit nor your own problems. Try to be around influential people who will help you forget about your problems and focus on your goals and aspirations.

Lastly, just remember that the only person that can control your emotions is YOU. Avoid being a negative Nancy or mister complain a-lot. Even when you feel like your whole entire day is going terribly bad, remain positive. Do not spread that negative energy onto other people who may be having a good day. Like I said earlier, we all go through things. Complaining and dwelling on the bad will only do you more harm. Keep in mind that no one will know what you’re going through unless you specifically tell them. So try to keep a smile on your face and keep yourself surrounded by uplifting people. Yes, even when you feel like your world is crumbling down, positive energy will keep you from breaking down!!!


Derrae Davis